How to approach downsizing your life with peaceful purpose

Some reflections and tips to help you through the emotional rollercoaster of saying goodbye to your things

We hang on to our things for all kinds of reasons. If we are downsizing to a smaller place, we may be dealing with the hard deadline of move day. While it may be tempting to declutter as quickly as possible, it’s good to take a few moments to understand why we have these things in the first place. There are three excellent reasons to do this. Firstly, we don’t want to repeat history and collect a whole bunch of new things to replace what was lost. Secondly, to avoid serious regrets about what we’ve decluttered. And thirdly, to let our things go with confidence and peace in our hearts.

Having gone through this process myself over the past 18+ months, I’m only too familiar with the emotional rollercoaster of looking through a lifetime of stuff. But I’m here to tell you that, not only will decluttering make the transition to your new space easier, you may also be making room for wonderful new experiences, greater calm and perhaps even better quality things, to come into your life.

Decluttering your life can feel like an emotional rollercoaster!

Letting go of your things with confidence

It’s ok to be feel reluctant and apprehensive about letting go of pieces that have been with you for many years. But there is no getting around the fact that you simply will not have the room to take everything with you. It’s completely natural to go through a grieving process, which may involve making up your mind, changing your mind, changing it back again, and the inevitable tears once you realise there’s no possible way to keep it. So, if you are feeling ambivalent about saying goodbye to your things, here are a few tips to make the process less stressful and more joyous.

Give your treasured items to people you love

There may be someone in your life who would really appreciate and care for your treasure. And in giving it away, you will have the joy of knowing that you’ve helped them. If that person is someone you regularly see, you may also have the added benefit of being able to visit your old things from time to time. But be careful to check in with the potential recipient to ensure they truly want the item and can fit it in their home. You don’t want to hoist your things on someone for whom it will become a burden. And be clear about what you would like them to do if they decide not to keep it after all. Should they return it to you or donate it?

Sell items of value

You’ll feel better about letting valuable items go if you sell them and receive some money that you can spend on your new home. There are different ways to offload items such as selling them directly online, having an in-person garage sale or using an auction house. Choose the most practical method that meets your goals of a speedy sale, an easy sale, or bringing the best price.

Be sure to consider your personal safety when selling items. Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous people more than prepared to steal your money through dodgy online payment scams. And never let anyone enter your home while you are alone. I used to move my things out to a street facing carport or have a friend come over, whenever a buyer visited. I also clearly stipulated that I would only accept cash, and that it was first in best dressed, to avoid online scammers, no shows and time wasters. Make sure the item is in as good a condition as possible. Take detailed pictures, and be transparent about any flaws or damage. Be prepared to negotiate.

I sold this old dresser around 6 months after moving into my new place

Your things will enrich of the lives of others

If you do end up selling or donating, think about the people who will benefit from your things, and how they’ll become a part of their lives, creating precious new memories. I had to let go of a number of treasured pieces while downsizing to my current apartment. I gave away my lovely floral armchair and ottoman, and sold my coffee table before I moved out. And then my beautiful dresser and dining table a few months after moving in. In each case, I drew comfort from knowing that they were going to wonderful new homes where they would be valued, and enrich the lives of others.

I gave away my beloved cosy armchair before moving

Take photos and videos

Fortunately, I have been able to document my whole decluttering journey on my YouTube channel. Whenever I’ve wondered if I’ve made the right decision, I’ve watched the footage and realised why that particular item was never going to fit or suit my new home.

So I encourage you to get your phone or camera out and film your things from different angles. Make sure you capture the aspects of each piece that you loved, such as the grain of wood on your table, or the beautiful pattern of your sofa upholstery. If possible, film in bright natural light, so that you have good quality footage of your treasures.

Express gratitude

As per Marie Kondo’s sage advice, say “thank you” to each item while decluttering. Take a moment to recall memories, such as family time around your old dining table. Or perhaps when you first purchased the item as a young person, just starting out and setting up your home. Hopefully taking this time to be thankful will give you peace.

Still holding on?

What do you do if you’ve been through the above steps and are still struggling to let go? Remember what I said earlier about understanding why things are in our lives in the first place? Let’s examine this in more detail.

Acknowledge emotional connections

Don’t get rid of anything for which you have a strong emotional reaction until you fully understand your response to that item. The item may elicit powerful emotions that are either positive, negative or a mix of the two. If you are struggling to get to the bottom of your response, do some journalling or talk to trusted family and friends. They may have some memories or insights to share with you. And once you do understand your reaction, honour it.

Every time I tried to declutter this Renoir print, my heart just said no!

Put it away in storage

If you can’t get to the bottom of your feelings, or simply are not ready to let it go, put the item away in storage. If you don’t have room at your new place, ask family or friends to hold it for you. Wait six months and see how you feel. Did you miss it or even think about it?

Just keep it!

For items that you still truly love, but don’t fit or suit your intended new room, is there another part of your home where they will fit? For example, I made room for shelves, plants, and even a painting that had no space inside my new apartment, on my covered balcony. And it’s worked out perfectly.

In the end, if you can’t bear to let something go and you can physically fit it into the new place, just keep it! There is absolutely nothing wrong with hanging onto the old. But it’s also important to realise that there are endless amounts of beautiful things in this world. And you will not be able to welcome anything new until you let go of your old things.

How to let go with aplomb

Mindful decluttering means being open and honest with yourself. Our preferences and needs constantly change throughout our lives. It’s ok to let go of things you once loved. In entering a new phase of life, you may feel liberated through letting go of the old, and motivated to bring new things into your space.

For me, bringing in some new pieces has been a positive experience as I’ve appreciated their simple elegance and convenience. I absolutely love my new plush sofa and comfortable dining chairs, both of which have replaced items that were older and not quite as functional or beautiful.

Balancing the old and new

Artwork and decor pieces were critical to creating a space that felt quintessentially me. I also kept my favourite decor pieces such as owls, vases, cushions and lamps to retain individuality in my apartment. For me, these pieces are full of meaning and have treasured memories associated with each one. Put simply, they feel like home.

If you’ve watched the show Offspring, you’ll understand my love of owls

Downsizing can be an incredibly emotional and challenging time. So it’s important to be gentle on ourselves and take good care of our mental health as we move through the process. Getting rid of everything might be disorienting and trigger distress. So keeping some familiar things around us may bring a sense of comfort and ease the transition.

What about you?

Have you been struggling with letting go while downsizing? Did you decide to hold on to some things? And if you did let go, what helped you to make the hard decisions? I’d love to hear about your own journey and any tips that helped you declutter in the comments.

Lilibet xo